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Second Birthday Pictures

Boog is 2

Little man,

You're two now.

You can say it and point out the number when you see it.

I can't believe how big you are.

You're so smart. I am so amazed by how much you know.

You love letters right now. You and Daddy read a lot. You're never patient enough to read with me.

Cars are your favorite toys. You drive around all day long.

You love to eat. Your favorite things are toast (which you demand. loudly.), cheese, juice, and chocolate milk. You are very expensive, but that's ok.

You have the cutest voice. Most of the time you say things in this sweet tone that nearly always gets you what you want.

There is no grey area with you. You are either sweet or naughty. You are either happy or in full out melt-down.

You are very good at sensing people's emotions. You know when Momma is sad or frustrated and are usually quick to give hugs and kisses when they're needed.

At bedtime you love to hear Big Tractor and Goodnight Moon and whatever other books you can convince Daddy to read. You have to snuggle several stuffed friends. You need your pack (warm corn pack). You always make sure we say prayers together.

Lately you've been learning to say prayers yourself. My heart melts when I hear you say "Jesus" and shout "AMEN!"

You love nursery. Sundays are the only days it's easy to get you dressed because you're so excited to go to church.

You just learned how to say "I love (Momma, Daddy, Mawgie, Jess, etc.)" and it makes me smile. You say it out of the blue sometimes and it's the very best.

You're wonderful.

I love you so much little boy!

Love, Momma

P.S. Halloween Happened

We were dinosaurs and at least two of us were darling. Wiggly tails, spikes, and all.

This was Logan's first year trick-or-treating and he LOVED it. He was a little shocked each time people just gave him treats. Getting to be a dinosaur and roar at everyone was a bonus.

This is the best we got on my camera as far as a family picture goes. One of us is always pulling some weird face.

November 1st

I've already watched two Christmas movies and the Christmas music is blaring.

Happy Birthday Daddio

I miss you.

I miss you so much it hurts. It hurts pretty much every day still.

Everyone told me the first year is the hardest and I sure hope that's true. If this goes on for much longer I might actually go crazy.

It's silly to see what makes me cry these days, some are expected and some seem so random. Suns games on TV. Chili's. Hallmark commercials about Dads and daughters. Christmas PJ's arriving in stores. Tim Allen shows just about put me over the edge. I saw Andes mints displayed next to cashews in the grocery store and nearly lost it.

I miss getting your calls. I'm so sorry I didn't always answer. I wish I'd been better about having my phone with me. I wish I'd been better about a lot of things. I saved a bunch of your messages though. It's so wonderful and painful every time I go through them. I have two or three birthday messages, those are the best. I even have the Happy Birthday Logan message. I really need to find a way to get those off my phone and someplace safe.

I worry about forgetting your voice sometimes. And your smile. And your laugh. And your "Grandma Jarman" face. I even miss your evil eye. Isn't funny how that happens? I'd take a billion evil eyes from you just to get one more hug. I know I'll get another, but it breaks me a little to think how long I'll have to wait.

I finally had a dream with you in it this week. It was a stupid dream really, but incredible too. We weren't doing anything special, I don't even remember what but that's what made it so nice. It was all of us. All together. I was so mad when I had to wake up.

I'm so excited to see everyone after Christmas, but I'm also really scared. I think it'll be too real again. Having Christmas without you in the world seems somewhat wrong and yet I can only imagine how mad you'd be if we tried to skip it. I'm trying to remember every single tradition you loved so at least once a year I can try to make sure my kids really KNOW you.

That's probably what breaks my heart the most. You knew Logan and you loved him. I loved seeing your proud face every time you saw him. But he won't remember you. Each child after this won't even meet you here and that makes me hurt. You were such a great Papa. I'm sad they'll miss out on that.

I get really sad Dad. I don't know how to deal with all of this sometimes. I didn't know how much I'd hurt, how often I'd miss you. Sometimes I feel like there is a hole inside of me and I don't know how to fill it back up. Stay close Daddy, I still need you and I don't know what to do when I do. Watch over my babies. Keep us near. I love you so much. I didn't mean to get so mopey here. I still think about you all the time and I swear it's not always sad. I remember you Dad. I talk to Kimbal and Logan about you. I love you. Happy Birthday Daddy!

Holidays

SOOO, i flippin love holidays. all holidays really, but my two favorites are easily christmas and halloween. this time of year is awesome and stressful and inspiring and busy and magical. i'm getting super excited!

Hello Blog World

did you think i'd fallen off the planet? gotten stuck in quick sand? perhaps been flushed down the toilet?

those would be really awful fates wouldn't they?!

none of those things happened. after dad died i just needed some time to think, to breath, to do a lot of crying. i focused a little more on my family and just generally tried to get through the day. things are getting better. i usually cry just once a day now, which is a big improvement. i feel more like me. different, but closer to the same. does that even make sense? anywho- i decided it might be time to come back to blogging (irregularly of course) because i really have missed it. so you'll be seeing me more often around here. yay!

mixed feelings

is anyone else feeling a titch bipolar about the final harry potter movie coming out? i'm freaking psyched to see it one minute and then crying (don't judge me) about the end of an era the next. mr. joseph and i are seeing it the day before the premiere with some friends. i'm making wands at the moment. shirts and accessories are being considered.

yesterday was hard. i cried quite a bit. i snuggled boog and mr. joseph and that helped. talking to mom helped distract me a lot. the impending az trip also distracted. the end.

my friends are the coolest.

for seriously peeps. this little beauty came to live with me last night. i'm still sort of in shock. i'm so grateful and so excited it's a little unreal. thank you thank you!

Information about my Dad

I'm still in shock, but I thought I ought to let you all know why I've dropped off the map for a bit. My father passed away suddenly last week at the age of 52. My Grandfather wrote this up to let everyone know the news and details. It has been somewhat edited to protect my family's personal information

Dear Family and Friends,
We realize that most of you are aware of the sudden passing of our dear family member, James H. Jarman, but we thought it might be of value to give you some details of his health history and information about the services and how you can send notes, cards etc. to Diane and her family.
Jim had been feeling well and had no symptoms of any heart problems. He, Diane and Morgan were at Jessica and Peter's home, in Taylor, Arizona, for a post Christmas visit and had been having a good time with usual and active activities. On the morning of December 28th, they were all getting ready for that days activities. Jim was preparing to shower, but Diane hadn't heard him for a few minutes, so checked on him and found he had collapsed and was unresponsive. They immediately called 911 and started CPR themselves. All efforts at resuscitation were unsuccessful. An autopsy revealed that he had suffered a tear in the aorta at it's attachment to the heart with the massive bleeding around the heart causing cardiac arrest. The suddenness and severity of the problem was such, that nothing could have been done to reverse it or to know that it was going to occur. The presumption is, that Jim would have experienced brief if any pain, but rather would have experienced a sudden "passing out".
We realize that this may be more detail than is needed, but it hopefully will answer some natural questions that arise with such a sudden and untimely death and save Diane and the rest of her and Jim's family some of the difficult repeating of the "story".
The concern and expressions of sympathy already extended are much appreciated by Diane, but she is so involved with all the immediate concerns that are always present in these circumstances and in addition all the details having to be addressed dealing with Jim's Orthodontic Practice. For these reasons, kindly understand she and her family may not be able to individually acknowledge all of those kindnesses.
As seems to always be the case, family, friends, Ward and other church members, colleagues and employees are rallying to help in any way they can. Diane and Jim's Bishop and Ward "family" have been especially helpful.
The services for James H. Jarman will be as follows:
HANSEN DESERT HILLS MORTUARY
65TH ST. AND BELL ROAD
Visitation from 5:00 PM to 8:00 PM Friday, January 7, 2011

CAVE CREEK WARD CHAPEL
38008 NORTH BASIN RD. CAVE CREEK, AZ
Visitation from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM
Funeral Services at 11:00 AM
Burial at the Hansen Desert Hills Memorial Cemetery

If you are interested in sending your condolences to my Mother or family please send me a message and I will let you know how to get in touch with them.

We express our love and appreciation to you all,
The James H. Jarman and Diane M. Jarman. Morgan Jarman, Peter and Jessica Van Allen, and Kimbal and Danielle Joseph, Families